I’m grateful for thoughtful gifts, spare time, and old memories.
Grateful for my personal boundaries, my mother’s voice, warm showers and wine
I’m grateful for courage and second chances.
I’ve started to repeat these things to myself because I’ve noticed I forget.
I become forgetful of all the little joys I know when I wander down the roads of “why”.
Why do I have over a thousand Facebook friends but struggle with loneliness?
Why does paperwork hold more weight than the truth in court?
Why are aluminum cans lined with plastic that causes cancer?
Why doesn’t minimum wage cover rent in any state?
Why do restaurants throw out food when people starve daily?
and with every why, it feels like joy erodes.
Makes us want to lie to ourselves, to tuck it all away and buy a new shirt or go out to dinner with someone who loves us ,because these whys do nothing but remind us that we have no kind of autonomy that would make the whys sting less.
But hey, we are adults, we know how to handle this.
Endure the pain and sell our children the american dream, until they are too old to dream. At some age, we tell them “get a job that can feed you” and forget to whisper “I’m sorry” when their inner child suffocates.
The least we can do is try to tolerate our lives ’til the weekend and collectively bond over our hate of Mondays.
We loathe what we settle for.
Have you forgotten the good in the world yet? Gratitude seems to fade away when you get a bit more intimate with reality, a bit more honest.
We should be gentle with those who are numbing themselves with television, or food, or cocktails; We all understand.
Some of us let our dreams be deferred to make ends meet, to feed our families, or maybe because its just too damn hard and God ain’t finished with us yet.
Can you blame us? We just want to find some way to honor our inner child. To live simpler. To worry less and create more. To have more good memories that debt. We want more opportunities than bills. More affirmations than criticisms and more love than loneliness.
We are just people.
Lately, I’ve become more grateful for the people who make a way out of no way, the people who wont take depression for an answer, the people who know the end is near and keep going.
These are the people who remind me to pay attention to gratitude. my blessings. These people are my blessings. They are my neighbors, students, parents, lover, friends, and ancestors.
To the people who have make me laugh through the “whys” and who have called me on Monday mornings to make sure I’m up.
To the student that wrote on their homework “Your a good teacher, you inspire me” and the ancestor who danced to bring rain to the land that knew drought and famine.
You have saved my life many times over.
You have been the one who brings me sunflowers and new mornings.